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“He left with a smile.”Yet another says a man came up to her and said her aura was magnetic, but “It wasn’t a pick-up line. They were charmed, flattered, and remembered the incidents long after they happened, for a few reasons.The conversation seemed friendly, the compliments sincere.This Buzzfeed piece about Bollywood songs corrected for sexism makes the point perfectly.I asked the women I knew if they’d had any good experiences with being approached and complimented by strangers. A random Facebook private message to one was a beautifully written note, including a tribute to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s “human loneliness, the terrible uncinematic kind that has very little to do with high-noon heroism and everything to do with everyday empathy—and the necessary curse of human self-knowledge.” The stranger simply told the woman he thought she was beautiful, ending his self-admitted “high-noon heroism” with a gracious “Consider this a fleeting moment in a crowded street, where a stranger smiles at you heartily and you forget about it…The men showed no sense of entitlement and seemed to expect nothing in return.In many cases, the men were alone or in a group that contained a number of women.Just the heaving, senseless, lascivious mass that, every moment of the day, we must shut our ears to, learn ceding public space to, audit how we appear to, and expect physical and psychological trouble from.
If you're successful, what are you/your lifestyle like?
These videos of what women walking in New York and Delhi go through, no matter what they’re wearing, shows that the entitlement of male strangers predisposes us to general distaste at best and worrying about assaults at worst. In India, in addition to the quotidian catcalls, the constant commentary, and the sexual innuendoes, we also face clear threats of misogynistic violence in everyday life.
Overtake a man by mistake when you’re driving and you’re doomed to his aggression until your paths diverge; confront someone taking a photograph of you and his friends will gather around too close.
In addition, I'm pretty outspoken and charismatic -- I can easily chat and joke around with people I just met -- so I personally haven't really experiences much of the bias that Asians are supposed to have when it comes to dating.
However I also do wonder how much success I have if I were white.
The idea is to come across as genuine, non-threatening, pleasant, and casual.