Dating over age 40
And we’re not only fudging the truth with our friends, family, and coworkers—we’re also deceiving ourselves.“It’s an emotional and physical defense mechanism to distort the way we see things from time to time,” says Simon Rego, Psy.But there are numerous examples that disprove this lie, including Golda Mier, who became the first female Prime Minister of Israel at just 70 years old. When you find yourself letting your birthdate get in the way, challenge yourself by saying, “I am not too old and if I want it, I can have it,” says Lisa Bahar, a marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach and Dana Point, CA.“It sounds simple, but that’s the irony—even something so simple can turn thoughts into actions as long as we repeat it to ourselves over and over.The problem here is that “true love” is hard to define.“So many people equate true love with finding a perfect partner, but the world is full of imperfect people,” says Cristalle Sese, Psy. Others may be less picky but are hesitant to completely open themselves up to love and expose themselves and what they think are their flaws.Life obstacles, from job loss to divorce to health issues, can make us resistant to change, Holloway Hill says.“Nobody wants to experience those kinds of pains, so we begin to try and control our circumstances by remaining in a job or relationship that is not fulfilling or ignoring a health issue for fear of receiving bad news.” And then we sometimes convince ourselves that we can’t change our lives, selves, or circumstances, she adds, so we sit back and accept things as is.
We’ve had similar life experiences because we grew up in the same era. There has to be chemistry, but I can much more attracted to someone who is older if the emotional chemistry is there. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online.
“If you have realistic expectations, you may not find what you envision to be true love, but you can find a very good love,” Sese says.
If a guy respects and values you and works hard to communicate with you, is it that hard to accept his skinny jeans and the fact that he gives you carnations instead of roses? “I’m Too Old for That” Using your age as an excuse often happens when someone is simply tired of working toward goals, says Cathy Holloway Hill, author of .
“Some believe, ‘If I show myself and get rejected, then that will mean I’m worthless,’ and they convince themselves that they’re destined for loneliness to avoid that potential hurt,” Sese says.
“But walling up like that steals the chance for you to get the real joy of closeness and intimacy.” So take a chance and put yourself out there, and be sure your dreams aren’t based on one of those never-gonna-happen-in-real-life rom-coms trying to make you think that a modern day knight will come sweep you off his feet.
In my “Love Essentially” column that appears today in Chicago Tribune Media Group publications, I interviewed 5 men over the age of 40, asking them about dating over 40, and what aged women they prefer. In particular, she’ll tell you that there are so few good guys available over the age of 40, and that even if you weed out the losers and the ones with heavy baggage, the normal, nice ones don’t want HER, they want a woman in her 20s or 30s. I reached out to five different men between the ages of 42 and 55, and combined, they gave me 15 reasons they prefer to be with a women who is around their same age: 1). It’s OK if you are getting gray or getting a spare tire, or prefer a quiet night at home over a loud club. My kids are older and I have a lot more time and more freedom. So, next time you are feeling hopeless, thinking that Mr.