Dating relationship opening
It wasn’t until Adam and I created our arrangement that I realized I could actually have it all: commitment and freedom. I know lots of people who have very successful monogamous relationships and are really happy together.
But a lot of people are challenging the conventional relationship style, and it’s working for them—just like it’s working for me.
Once, I saw a Facebook profile of someone he ended up sleeping with, and she was absolutely stunning.
That was hard for me because I couldn’t help but compare myself to how I perceived her online (most of which was just illusions filled in by my very own brain, of course). Just because he was the cause of my hurt, it didn’t mean I couldn’t wait to run into his arms and have him comfort me. In monogamous relationships in the past, I was incredibly jealous all the time.
They also welcome multitudes into their bed for great big orgies.
Rule 5: Two different lovers in one week is a little much, so we try to avoid that. Since our communication never allowed for a simple conversation about how beautiful some woman was, or how cute a guy I saw was, any amount of flirting was catastrophic. Besides, a little jealousy can be healthy, and it usually fades after a few hours to a few days.
But society told me I had to be with one person at a time, with the goal of choosing one person forever. After a really great, long-term, successfully monogamous relationship ended, I was suddenly single in my late twenties and enjoying the freedom and the variety. Adam was fun and our chemistry was fantastic and rare, and though we kept it strictly physical, with those boundaries clearly defined throughout, spending time together was becoming the highlight.
I would often fall into a cycle of trying to make that work but eventually letting temptation get the best of me, and failing both parties of the relationship; especially my partner. Eventually, the inevitable conversation came up naturally about what we were, and what we could be.
Adam and I enjoy variety, and we know firsthand that the presence of other lovers doesn’t diminish the feelings we have for each other.
We talk to each other as friends, and nothing is restricted from conversation, which means sometimes I ask him dumb questions I already know the answer to—like, “Do you still love me? ” (obviously yes, and obviously no, in that order)—just to hear it come from him.
Or as Dan Savage calls it, we are “monogamish.” Even that can look really different from relationship to relationship.