I am through dating women
He’s had only one real relationship with someone he met in person: Justin Bettis, his podcast cohost. It’s not that people don’t want to strike up conversations with strangers and fall in rom-com-style love.Bettis, a 31-year-old lawyer who lives in Francisville, said he wants to feel the “magic-making” of a serendipitous meeting. “It’s a lot easier to make a move in a way that society says is acceptable now, which is a message,” said Philadelphia-based matchmaker Erika Kaplan, “rather than making a move by approaching someone in a bar to say hello.She’s tried this a few times, and once averted a date with a guy who was clever on Tinder but “aggressive” on the phone.“I’m really glad I didn’t waste an evening and makeup to talk to him in real life,” she said.A 69-year-old retired headhunter from Bryn Mawr, who asked for anonymity, says she treats men she meets on Match like she’s meeting them in person.If he’s in a public place, he’ll approach a woman only “if it seems like I’m not invading somebody’s personal space or privacy." Edwards said the men he coaches are more confused than ever about talking to women.And since the #Me Too movement has empowered women to speak about their experiences with sexual harassment, it’s forced men to reckon with how they talk to women.
Pierre-Louis said he’s never approached someone for a date in person.
For young people who have spent most of their dating lives courting strangers online, swiping feels easier than approaching the local hottie at the bookstore.
Thomas Edwards, a dating coach known as the “Professional Wingman,” said that when singles don’t practice this, they “develop a lack of skill set and more fear of rejection,” he said.
At the same time, awareness of what is and isn’t sexual harassment has left people cautious about come-ons that were once seen as cute and are now called out as creepy.
Smith, a podcast host who often talks about dating as a black gay professional on his show, “Category Is…,” is now in a two-year relationship with a man he met on Grindr.“And, honestly, we become lazy.” Will, a 26-year-old CPA who lives in Fishtown and asked to use only his first name so he could speak freely about his dating experiences, said about 80 percent of the first dates he’s been on since college were with women he met on dating apps.