Questions seldom asked when dating
We – especially women – are often taught that being a good person (and, by proxy, a good partner) means making someone else happy. You should experience growth, benefits, and joy in your relationship.But rarely are we taught to remember that we, too, should experience happiness in our relationships. So, like in the cover letter activity, ask yourself: In this relationship, what do you bring to the table? I was in a relationship with a man who was always unhappy with me. It wasn’t like the tearful ones that you see on TV, where a load of loved ones read notes from their pockets begging their person-who-might-have-a-problem to find themselves again. But my mother did get me in a place where I couldn’t easily escape – her car – and, sweetly but sternly, expressed that she had something to say and that I wasn’t going to like it. But you can choose who you’re with.” I remember seeing her eyes mist while I sat, staring ahead, and just said, “Okay.” At the time, I was in a toxic relationship.And because the emotional connection of love isn’t a binding contract, you can love someone and still let them go.But how do you know for sure if that’s what you need?I read a lot of cover letters when we hire people at Everyday Feminism, and I’ve learned that most people do a lot more of either one or the other – and that’s imbalanced. Because for any relationship to work – whether romance or employment – there has to be a clear and obvious understanding that you both need one another on some level and that you both will fulfill your duties to bring the other adequate satisfaction.And in a relationship with a toxic partner, what tends to happen is that you’re bringing your partner a whole lot of satisfaction, but they’re not really bringing it for you in return.
Because when your partner manages to change your behavior – when you find yourself increasingly changing your usual way of being in order to avoid conflict with your partner – then they gain power and control over you. I want to talk about toxic relationships – so called because instead of nourishing your growth, as a relationship should, they slowly wither you away like poison in your system.
Because unhappiness is unhappiness – and you deserve better. Tally up how many times you tell your potential employer how their company or organization might benefit you.